I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
