I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
