just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
