UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I will be naked everywhere
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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