I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
