Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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