can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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