We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
