this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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