Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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