We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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