I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
