Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Are we still banned from the library?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
