yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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