the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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