Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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