it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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