It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
