I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
