I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
