Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
