You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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