I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
