Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
