It's like a parade of train wrecks.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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