I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
