I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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