I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
