i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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