When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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