I wannas sexs uuuuu
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
