i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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