My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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