Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
