his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
