My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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