At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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