I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
