Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i need some magic done to my vagina
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
