god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
