glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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