I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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