Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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