he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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