my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
