do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
