One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
