I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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