the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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