guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
