Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
