Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
