i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
