you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
