And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
