Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just found puke in my bra..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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