her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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