I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
