omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
