Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
