I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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