I think I won the penis lottery.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
