onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
