what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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