His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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