fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I wear drunk well.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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